Self-Awareness

Increasing self-awareness is an important way to change.

As an adult, I became accustomed to the pain left over from my childhood and adopted it. In its own way it comforted me. Then, before I knew it, self-pity was my best friend. I was, for all intents and purposes, a misery addict. To keep myself wrapped in this blanket of self-pity, I put myself in situations that caused me, and others, a lot of pain. By others, I mean my parents and my children.

When I first began to look at this, I was in denial about the trauma I had suffered in my family of origin and the misery I had inflicted on myself and others. I remember recognizing that the prolonged ridicule I had suffered at school hurt me a lot, but when I thought about my family I remember them being very loving and supportive. Of course, I was in denial. Years of therapy would reveal the truth about just how dysfunctional they really were. As for my victim mentality, that was really out of reach. No one could tell me I had perpetuated my own misery. That was absurd. Then there were the people I had hurt. When a person feels like a victim all the time, they don’t see the people they have hurt. This was certainly true for me.