Feeling Painful Feelings

Feeling our painful feelings without self-medicating is a very part of therapy and change. It was the first thing my sponsor in AA asked me to do. It was a process.

First I broke through my denial and identified what had happened to me and what I had done to myself and others, I began talking about it. At some point, I also began writing about what had happened. However, I was still unable to feel very much at this point, so my writing was very analytical. This was my way of recognizing the pain but not feeling it.

After some time, the dam burst and all of my painful feelings about the past came rushing forth. At first, I was angry. Then I was overwhelmed with sadness. For me, these feelings would come and go, but every time I discovered something new, or I realized how much I had been wounded in the past, I faced my feelings and had a good cry. I cried a lot. This was very therapeutic for me.