Low Self-Esteem & Shame

Shame and low self-esteem are major stumbling blocks to change.

Self-Esteem: As well as finding themselves unloved, many children are also neglected, abandoned, and sometimes abused. This causes children to unconsciously assume that something is wrong with them. They don’t want to believe that the adults around them are bad--this would be too frightening--so they conclude that they themselves are bad or flawed. If they believe they are flawed, then they assume they are worthless. If they believe they are worthless, then they feel unworthy of love. The end result of this unconscious chain of logic is low self-esteem.

Shame: Sometimes the disconnect with the primary caretaker can be as subtle as lack of eye contact or an expression of sadness. I call this chain of logic, "Mom sad; me bad.

To change we must first start with the task of learning how to love ourselves, despite our pasts; despite our shortcomings; despite how difficult it is; no matter how long it takes.

I learned to love myself after God revealed to me that I was loveable, and that He loves me. 1983