I've only been here for a couple of days so forgive me if this has been discussed somewhere else. As I'm going through everything and realizing how it all fits into the sickness of LA, I've come to one surprising conclusion. There are a few out there who have made statements that the closer they try to get to God the further away He seems. Has anyone considered the thought that maybe we are projecting our fear of intimacy on to God as well?
I have always known that I fell in love with the wrong people, and tried to gain attention from unavailable men but I had never equated that to fear of intimacy until I came to this site. Ever since I started closing down my heart to my abusive XH, my unsympathetic Dad, as well as other people in my church who insisted I was doing the wrong thing by divorcing my husband, I have been feeling further and further away from God. I still believe I did the right thing with the divorce, but I'm wondering if maybe I inadvertantly shut down any pathway to intimacy with my God in the process.
Someone once told me, "If you no longer feel close to God...guess who moved?" Have those of us that are suffering with LA, suffering because we have traded our intimacy with God for a second-rate connection to people who are unworthy of our affection and attention? Maybe that is why I feel so alone.
I do believe that God does not move away from us, but we do move away from God. And that the Spirit does not leave us, but we leave the Spirit, or stop listening, or are distracted by other things, even our own pride. We hide from God as we buy into the lie that we have little worth, and as we get distracted by self pity. The Higher Power is there. It is the greatest source of love there is. It is the power we seek when we hit rock bottom and need something greater than ourselves to pick us up.