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Post by lotus on Nov 29, 2009 7:27:34 GMT -8
At Thanksgivng this year my dad got really upset with my mom about something really naive. I was reminded of what my childhood was like. Usually when my dad got upset I was just very quiet and waited for it to be over. This time instead of being quiet, I got involved. I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but I felt more like an adult.
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Post by geedee on Nov 29, 2009 13:00:00 GMT -8
this post sparked something off in me besatt. I was thinking about how much my mother still manages to hurt me at times.
I really love her and she loves me but she always has to criticize something. either she sees apile of ironing and points it out (as if I don't know already!) Or she makes a comment like ' You never were very good at keeping the house tidy'
I think that next time she says something like that I might say something to her about hurting my feelings. I feel guilty because she's in her late 70's and not very well but it really gets to me and I feel like a silly child when she does that kind of thing. Mind you, she said something really sweet to me the other day when she said that no cakes are as special as the ones I make...I'm still reacting like a little kid at 46 for goodness sake!!!
Why am I so bloody tearful today?
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gordana
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Posts: 189
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Post by gordana on Dec 6, 2009 18:51:46 GMT -8
Hi Greta
I now the feeling. My mother does the same exact thing with me. I am 52 and she is 72. She sometimes comes over to do my laundry, not because I asked but because she wants to. I appriciate it, but at the same time have to listen to her critisizm about how messy my home is, etc.
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Post by lotus on Dec 6, 2009 20:11:54 GMT -8
Yeah, it's tough. I know I don't want act like a kid anymore around my parents, but I'm having a hard time figuring out what the right thing to do is when dealing with them. I guess we just have stand up for ourselves and find a loving but firm way to tell them that we can't accept that behavior anymore. OR I guess we can try the distancing technique and learn not to let it bother us.
My parents' behavior really bothers me sometimes...it's damaging to my well-being, so I have to make a choice.
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Post by geedee on Dec 7, 2009 3:20:30 GMT -8
besatt, I know how you feel.
i just remembered something else today. up until maybe 10 years ago (I'm 46), my mother would come and visit. maybe she'd be with my daughters while i was out at work. when i got back she wouldn't actually tell me but I'd open a drawer later and find that she'd folded up my clothes and reorganised my things for me. not just for me but for my girls too.
i'd then feel obliged to call her and thank her altho' i'd actually feel hurt and humiliated.
she's getting older and is not as well so doesn't come round as often... I don't want to hurt her feelings because there is no point at this stage. but it still really annoys me to think about what I've put up with for so long.
I'm trying not to be like that with my daughters...but i still nag them sometimes about their messy rooms when I'm feeling anxious or overstretched.
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