Post by shanshan on Jul 28, 2008 11:39:09 GMT -8
I posted on the new peoples section as well. I am sitting in my bedroom now in so much pain I keep wanting to do something to stop the pain. I have been contemplating suicide for the last week and nights are hardest. I have to count down from 100 sometimes to keep myself from it. I have been in a 4 year relationship that has been painful for most of it. After reading material on the web, I believe I am a Love Addict. Sparing all of the other painful details, recently AGAIN, my boyfriend said "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you anymore, but I am happy with what I have so I leave the choice to you to stay or go. But this isn't going anywhere, we aren't going to get married, or have children etc etc." So I am here with this choice to stay with someone that is not in love with me, or face my worst fear and leave the man I love and be alone.
Even after he said this, I feel this massive pannic attack when I think about leaving him. I am doing everything I can to accomodate him, I have in the last four years neglected making friends so now I am very alone, living in a foreign country without my family nearby. I feel crippled by this. I cannot be alone, I am exhausted all of the time, I feel so lonely it feels like it is going to swallow me alive. The thought of starting all over again is more than I can handle. I feel as though my boyfriend is the only one that can and will understand me though it is irrational.
He continues to be physical with me which makes it worse because I know he doesn't love me. He also has these times where he will be tender and sweet and hug me and hold my hand or look at me a certain way, but then he goes right back to being distant. I don't understand how a person can not be in love, but want to stay 'together' or/and continue to be physical with someone they don't love, and I REALLY don't understand myself and why I am going through what feels like someone skinning me alive daily. I am TERRIFIED of walking away to the point of wanting to take my life rather than walk away.
Please help.............
Even after he said this, I feel this massive pannic attack when I think about leaving him. I am doing everything I can to accomodate him, I have in the last four years neglected making friends so now I am very alone, living in a foreign country without my family nearby. I feel crippled by this. I cannot be alone, I am exhausted all of the time, I feel so lonely it feels like it is going to swallow me alive. The thought of starting all over again is more than I can handle. I feel as though my boyfriend is the only one that can and will understand me though it is irrational.
He continues to be physical with me which makes it worse because I know he doesn't love me. He also has these times where he will be tender and sweet and hug me and hold my hand or look at me a certain way, but then he goes right back to being distant. I don't understand how a person can not be in love, but want to stay 'together' or/and continue to be physical with someone they don't love, and I REALLY don't understand myself and why I am going through what feels like someone skinning me alive daily. I am TERRIFIED of walking away to the point of wanting to take my life rather than walk away.
Please help.............