I have been on and off with my last POA and now its done. He is in recovery (he was on oxys) and is clearly telling me he needs his space. But i feel i cannot let go and i jsut want to see him, i called him and he sounded so upsset said he needs me to stop bec he is in recovery and needs time. I also texted him and he keeps ignoring them. He prob thinks im clingy and needy and im crazy and i feel crzy and sad and been thinking about ending it bec i just cnt do this. I had a week of NC felt good than texted him and went nutz...its just sooo hard
Last Edit: Oct 26, 2009 12:57:35 GMT -8 by lonelyred
loneyred...Just some thoughts from my heart--I sure know it's hard! I am having a hard time as well. You sound like a young woman--I am old--56. You can do this. Please don't even consider ending it! You have so many years ahead of you to live a good healthy life. You can find your way. Don't do as I have--don't put your life in the hands of an addicted man! It's not worth it. I wish I had known about love addcition before I met my POA. When I look back I realize I have made many mistakes in my past. Now I am in the middle of the biggest mistake of my life. I am trying to do NC with my POA. I feel crazy and very sad,but I have to get through this. I have to get strong enough to get on with what life I have left. Life is worth living! You can do it. I'll tell you as my POA often told me "ROCK UP!" Little did he know that I need to ROCK UP to get over him. I'd like to know that you are ok. Let me know.
im ok, its been up and down. i appreciate your message deebee i am young but i am extremely self aware and therefore it is driving me nutz! i dont feel quite as bad as i did but i feel like im going through life kinda numb and going through the motions. although im not with my poa i dont feel like im living life. its a constant rollercoaster of feelings, i just want this ride to end.
loneyred...I'm glad you are ok. Rollercoaster is a good word for how I feel also. Since the NC with POA I am settling down a little. The highs and lows are not quiet so bad as they were--it's only been a few days. I keep talking to myself and telling myself how crazy I have been to give my life to my POA--someone who has done me a lot of harm--nothing physical--but mentally. I have suffered a lot in the last 9 months--somehow without realizing it. I had a sort of intervention at my therapy with my husband and my therapist telling me I had to choose between my POA or them. Sort of a wake up call.
I am missing my POA,but since I have not been with him for over a week I am beginning to see him for what he really is. An alcoholic who can not commit or change unless HE wants to. I can't love him enough or HELP him enough to make him want to change. And believe me--I have tried to help this man. I tried to push it with him. I have done a lot of the calling. He has told me from the beginning there would be nothing more than "friendship". Believe what your POA is saying. Don't call if he says not to. Let it go. I know it will hurt.but don't waste your life on a man who is saying no. It won't work--ever. Try to heal and you will find someone who truly loves you. Don't do as I have and settle for anything less.
My POA is such a good looking guy(to me anyway) and very intelligent. Two years of college,several years in the military and a skilled worker. In no way does he look like a homeless bum! He shouldn't have to be homeless and needy. He's 51 years old! He has nothing. Even the things I bought for him have been pawned. It's the addiction that has pulled him down to the bottom. Addiction is such a painful way of life. Perhaps more painful for the people who love the addict. Now I realize I can be addicted to a person! I hope you will learn about and consider what life will be like with an addict. If you should return to your POA and see ANY signs of his relaspe--run away as fast as you can. Believe me--it is a life of torment.
Take care lonelyred...hang in there. You can do this.
thank you so much i appreciate that post. You rright addiciton to anything can ruiin someone and everyone told me to run from him. But he wasnt the average poa he wasnt mean or belittling he is kind and sweet and tried his best so when he said dont call me i figured i would convince him. i have not seen him in 2 weeks and as time is going im hurting less but miuss him more its strange. im trying i really am