Post by vee25 on Jan 29, 2010 3:53:55 GMT -8
I was brought up by a christian mother and atheist father. I attended sunday school from a young age up until 13. I remember looking forward to having a chocolate bar after the service that you could buy from the church and at times i would steal one which i have great shame about.
At 13 i had a choice about whether i wanted to be confirmed. I had friends who were doing it so i did too. I began to resent going to church after this as my father brought me a horse who i adored and i wanted to spend time with him on sundays.
From age 14 i went my own way and didn't think seriously about God again until I was on my knees and trying to take my own life in 2004. I honestly believed that i had the dtoxic in me and that i needed to either kill myself or become a nun and live my life for God. I was living in south africa at the time because i wanted to be with a guy who lived there and after attempting to end it all with an overdose and willing myself to jump off a cliff i decided i would go home and seek out God.
I have to say that when i stood there willing myself to jump to my death that day i felt God speak to me and say- if you do this now, you will still face your pain in the next life and i believed him.
I saw a priest a few days after i came home but by this time i was lifting out of the deep depression i had been in and i felt quite good about myself. I remember telling the priest that my family were from the higher end of society and mixed in high society circles as my grandfather was the head barrister for the crown court and my fathers family were very affluent. I now see that i was becoming hypo manic and was diagnosed as bipolar type II in 2006.
I left the priest knowing that i believed in God and not Buddhisim which i was contemplating and then i turned my life over to my love addiction. I dated a stream of men who were either drug addicts, avoidants or unavailable and i attempted to take my own life 3 more times during 2004-2006.
I have told this story before in my church home group but not in so much detail and recently to my love addiction 12 step sponsor and its never caused me to cry or grieve which hurts. I remember some of the pain i was in and how desperate i was for God to save me but once i came out of that dark place i decided i knew best.
They say that love addiction is very defiant and that we need to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God and that is what i am doing today.
I found a great evangelical church 20 months ago which i teach sunday school at every other week and i attend a home group in the week which i'm really starting to feel 'at home' with.
I have just come out of another toxic relationship and want to focus on my relationship with God and myself. I have decided to stay single for at least a year whilst i start to grow my roots in God and work the 12 steps of love addiction.
Everyday for the last month i have told God that i surrender to his will. I am learning to let go and let him work in my life and i am truly blessed today. I have wonderful people in my life who help me understand Gods will for me and encourage me to love myself and trust in God.
Vee
At 13 i had a choice about whether i wanted to be confirmed. I had friends who were doing it so i did too. I began to resent going to church after this as my father brought me a horse who i adored and i wanted to spend time with him on sundays.
From age 14 i went my own way and didn't think seriously about God again until I was on my knees and trying to take my own life in 2004. I honestly believed that i had the dtoxic in me and that i needed to either kill myself or become a nun and live my life for God. I was living in south africa at the time because i wanted to be with a guy who lived there and after attempting to end it all with an overdose and willing myself to jump off a cliff i decided i would go home and seek out God.
I have to say that when i stood there willing myself to jump to my death that day i felt God speak to me and say- if you do this now, you will still face your pain in the next life and i believed him.
I saw a priest a few days after i came home but by this time i was lifting out of the deep depression i had been in and i felt quite good about myself. I remember telling the priest that my family were from the higher end of society and mixed in high society circles as my grandfather was the head barrister for the crown court and my fathers family were very affluent. I now see that i was becoming hypo manic and was diagnosed as bipolar type II in 2006.
I left the priest knowing that i believed in God and not Buddhisim which i was contemplating and then i turned my life over to my love addiction. I dated a stream of men who were either drug addicts, avoidants or unavailable and i attempted to take my own life 3 more times during 2004-2006.
I have told this story before in my church home group but not in so much detail and recently to my love addiction 12 step sponsor and its never caused me to cry or grieve which hurts. I remember some of the pain i was in and how desperate i was for God to save me but once i came out of that dark place i decided i knew best.
They say that love addiction is very defiant and that we need to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God and that is what i am doing today.
I found a great evangelical church 20 months ago which i teach sunday school at every other week and i attend a home group in the week which i'm really starting to feel 'at home' with.
I have just come out of another toxic relationship and want to focus on my relationship with God and myself. I have decided to stay single for at least a year whilst i start to grow my roots in God and work the 12 steps of love addiction.
Everyday for the last month i have told God that i surrender to his will. I am learning to let go and let him work in my life and i am truly blessed today. I have wonderful people in my life who help me understand Gods will for me and encourage me to love myself and trust in God.
Vee