Therapy - Inner Child work

Im about to start this work soon. What do you mean, "she doesnt talk to you". How you personalize this "inner child" Ive never understood it??

I am trying to remember how I first made contact with my Inner Child. It was a long time ago, back in the late 1980s. I remember doing an Inner Child workshop where I had to write a letter to my parents in my non-dominant hand and I think that is when she came through. I knew I had found her because I could see in writing that what she said was different to what I, the adult, would have said.

She is very independent and is saying now: 'I'm smart'. That's how I was originally, before I was bashed by my father and my real self (inner child) shut down.

How I generally communicate with her now is in a book I have bought specially for her. It has a red cover with white spots and a picture of a smart-looking little girl wearing glasses and a dog with a waggy tail. She is telling me now that she likes it. (She's speaking to me again!) On each page I rule a line down the centre and write 'Big P' on the top of the first column, and Little P on the top of the second. Then I open the dialogue by saying hello to her and asking her how she is feeling. It just goes on from there with me writing down everything that is said in the appropriate column. I usually do this dialogue just after I get into bed at night when it is quiet and peaceful.

I also try to actively nurture her by buying her things I sense she wants. When I was a child, my mother always 'knew best' and would buy me something she wanted, not what I wanted. So now I buy something for Little P that I do not want but that she does, e.g. a plastic story book about a mother cat and her kitten. I have this propped up on a cupboard at the end of my bed where she can see it, among all her soft toys.

I'm so glad I've found her. I just need to be a much better mother. Next week I'm going to start dialoguing with her every night without fail.

Hope this helps, Rainbow Girl.

I think I only have one Inner Child, but I did know a woman who, like Butterflygirl, had more. She actually had 13 (her child abuse had been very severe and she had needed them all to survive). Coincidentally, on one of occasions that I saw her, I was wearing a ring I'd had since my 'hippy' days in the '70s. It was silver with 13 small amethysts in the overall shape of the Star of David. I spontaneously gave it to her and she said she would use it as a constant reminder of her 13 inner children.

I was shocked when I first heard her story and could not imagine how she coped as she could never tell which one was going to come out. I still admire her fortitude and acceptance.

How I see it is that we are born with one, but if the abuse is really bad, this inner child 'splits' into different personalities each with their own specific strengths. In other words, the personality is not integrated. I think it happens when the child is very much on his or her own and has to do 'adult' things in order to survive that a child is not really capable of doing. This 'splitting' is usually associated with a lot of fear. I haven't heard you mention fear, only sadness (grief).

When inner child work first became popular there was one wounded inner child. See Hugh Missildine, Your Inner Child of the Past. But when Bradshaw wrote his book, Homecoming, he suggested that we have a child at each stage of our development. I believe it was infant, toddler, child, adolescent. It's been awhile since I read the book.

I believe the children are born when trauma occurs. Susie was born when I was put in the hospital at the age of 4. Gretchen was born on the playground when I was about 12. She did what Susie couldn't do which was fight back.

There is more than one theory about how the inner child works. The original source is The Games People Play by Eric Berne and I'm OK; You're OK, by his student Richard Harris.

It's funny that this thread has just been posted because in the past week , I wrote a story about a a young woman and and very young child which of course, represents her own inner child. The young woman who is not really young in years is just young at heart and she tells her inner child that she can take care of herself . She also tells her inner child that she must have fun, play, have a good time and should not worry about the young woman. It was interesting because after I wrote this story, the thread came up on the web site here.

Yes, I do believe that and it is very consoling !!