Im new here and in such a bad place...

Hi Suzi,

Well, this is a good place to start. There is nothing "wrong" with you. It's the people you are choosing that perpetuate a dynamic that is familiar to you, but painful. Working on yourself versus working on forcing outcomes with people who disengage is your next step. And the only way to do that is to commit to NC (no contact). It's the only thing you have right now to restore your power & self respect. Keep it simple and commit by the hour if you have to. Start looking at the patterns over your life of your romantic relationships...what is similar in all these situations? Also look at your family dynamic if you can. See what is similar there to your romantic relationships. It was helpful to me to at least admit I was an addict to someone & my life had become unmanageable. Your life will get better.

Hi Suzi, great advice here for you already. It is incredibly hard to go NC, but everyone here who's in recovery has done it, or is doing it, so you're not alone. Addiction robs you of any dignity, but you'll get your dignity back day by day by going NC and starting to treat yourself with respect.

A woman of 22 isn't likely to want to settle down with anyone. Why should she want security? Who wants that at 22? How boring stability is at that age, how boring anyone over 30 is at that age. The more you offer stability to someone who wants fun, the less you appeal. And an alcoholic newly sober, is most likely going to let you down. That's what addicts do until they learn to take care of themselves. Neither of these people are available to you, as I'm sure you know. And you can't be available to yourself while you addictively contact them. This board will really help you surrender your addiction. Very best luck with going NC. Primrose.

Suzi-

A friend recently sent this motivational piece that I would like to share with you. I printed it and read it hourly. Every time I reach for my phone to JUST text HI... or email How have you been? or drop by to visit... I read this again. So far it is helping.

LET IT GO!
There are people who can walk away from you and

hear me when I tell you this - when people can walk

away from you: let them walk. I don't want you

to try to talk another person into staying with you,

loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to

see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.



When people can walk away from you let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The

Bible said that, "they came out from us that it might

be manifest that they were not for us. For had

they been of us, no doubt they would have continued

with us." (1John 2:19).



People leave you because they are not joined to you.

And if they are not joined to you, you can get super

glue and you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it

doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means

that their part in the story is over. And you've got

to know when people's part in your story is over so

that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.



You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to

know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've

got the gift of goodbye. It's not that I'm hateful,

it's that I'm faithful, and I know what ever God means

for me to have He will give it to me. And if it takes

too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to

stay. Let them go!!!



LET IT GO!!!



If you are holding on to something that doesn't

belong to you and was never intended for your life,

then you need to...Let it go!



If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...

Let it go!



If someone can't treat you right, love you back,

and see your worth...Let it go!



If someone has angered you...Let it go!



If you are holding on to some thoughts

of toxic and revenge...Let it go!



If you are involved in a wrong relationship

or addiction... Let it go!



If you are holding on to a job that no longer

meets your needs or talents...Let it go!



If you have a bad attitude...Let it go!



If you keep judging others to make

yourself feel better...Let it go!



If you're stuck in the past and God is trying

to take you to a new level in Him...Let it go!



If you are struggling with the healing

of a broken relationship. ..Let it go!



If you keep trying to help someone who won't

even try to help themselves.. .Let it go!



If you're feeling depressed and stressed...Let it go!



If there is a particular situation that you are so

used to handling yourself and God is saying

"Take your hands off of it,"

then you need to...Let it go!



Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.

God is doing a new thing for you! LET IT GO!!!



Get right or get left...think about it, then...LET IT GO!!!



Let God's love, peace, and blessings be with you always...



The past cannot be changed...the future is still in your power!





-Bishop TD Jakes-