|
|
Post by iselita on Jun 17, 2010 7:34:43 GMT -8
Now that the seperation has been made and the no contact is in effect. I don't know where to go on from here!
I mean I know that I am well on my way to work on my recovery. I am so scared,that i don't know what to latch on too. Does that sound familiar? I have made a plan to focus on my kids. Yet am scared that i may depend on them. Rather then get better for me and them.
I have vowed to not make the same mistakes as last time, and party. This time i want to take the time to look at myself rather then to avoid me.
It's like i don't have an identity! And that right there scares me. From time to time i tell myself "i am alone" but then i replace that with. "I will be so much better"
I am so used to being a helper a giver, that when i am not i just end up feelin like a selfish b***. Plus the ex always let's me know i am so i have grew to believe it.
It does scare me that after a year of being seperated i went straight back to my drug. So i have created insecurity and keep thinking that it's going to take me a long time to get over this.
What i am basically saying is that i am scared!!! All i am doing right now is maintaing no contact. So for now that's my plan!
Can anyone relate?
|
|
|
|
Post by beyondready on Jun 17, 2010 16:29:21 GMT -8
Relate? Heck yeah! Just know that you are not alone.
|
|
|
|
Post by iselita on Jun 22, 2010 7:08:25 GMT -8
Thank you!
|
|
|
|
Post by lonely1 on Jun 22, 2010 7:50:30 GMT -8
> It's like i don't have an identity!
You have an identity . . .
The fear we ( I'm codep as all get out) have is changing the identity.
- I know what'd I like to be
. . .I have no idea of what I can be
- not sure if i can be
. . . do i have the strength to change
- concerned of what my change may do to those around me
...will they like the new me
. . .will I have to stop caring about others so i can be first ?
( we overcare , so any decrease feels like were abandoning the others)
We burden our selves with the "pain of changes is (perceived / anticipated) greater than the situation we're in".
I have learned from those who've been down this path: the pain of change is sooooo worth it !!!!
You will make it !
- your friends, true friends, support you
- God, as you understand God, is there for you.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sophie's world on Jun 24, 2010 18:23:59 GMT -8
Dear Iselita,
Did you work the steps? i recognize what you write. We think we are getting better but maybe go from the one addiction to the extreme opposite.. emotional anorexia. doing nothing for a while, actually being scared and then jump into a new relationship with the same old scared me. We dont heal by just doing nothing.
We need to work, write, read, do steps, practise in the world, and finding our true identity. Write about who am I, what do I like, what do I want. And DO IT. Make a life with your children. Take time now in NC to do things you like with your children, things taht may scare you to do alone. Meet friends, find hobbies, anything to make you feel more alive and comfortable in yourself. Grow in selfworth, respect and Love. Live!!
Love, Sophie
|
|
|
|
Post by runrunrun on Aug 16, 2010 4:20:49 GMT -8
I am focusing on me. For once in my life. Putting the focus on me so I can be healthy for me and so I can be a better parent and have a better life. The focus was on my kids for so long. Then on my many failed relationships. Now it has to be on me so I can heal. I cant be the parent I want to be and be codependent at the same time.
runrunrun
|
|
|
|
Post by EmoUnavail on Aug 16, 2010 4:29:52 GMT -8
iselita,
Scared is a perfect word and i think when Codependents realize that they ARE codependent and are faced with the reality of finding out who WE are without living through and focusing ALL our attention on someone elses life ... we become terrified.
I am still at a loss. Someone asked me "what do you enjoy doing" .. I had no answer.
I always like doing what my POA wanted to do, or what my friends and family liked to do.
As long as they enjoyed something, i enjoyed it.,
Being faced with ME, and trying to discover ME, scares the stuff about of me.
Can you imagine going away for a week, like on a trip or to a cabin in the woods ALL ALONE.
Actually being alone with YOU.
I cant even imagine how SCARY that would be for me (and i imagine you).
Thats how messed up this codependency thing is.
Hang in there, take a deep breath and try to battle the emotional conflict inside to find the peace and beauty of you. I am struggling with this myself. The steps do help in answering the questions that we avoid answering.
|
|
|
|
Post by iselita on Aug 16, 2010 12:25:35 GMT -8
AWWW thank you. Well i do get out and have friends and am active. But maybe being alone is just what i need.
I try to enjoy my kids so much, mainly because of what i know i put them through. So i want them to know that's it's going to be ok.
So then who the heck am i?? I know that i have always been a partier. But that's not who i am! I don't enjoy getting wasted most of the time. So going out and staying sober is something i am trying to do and like.
I know who i was before all of this mess and i want that person back. That little girl, how someone on this board stated.
I have hobbies and that keeps me so grounded because i can share my art and work with everyone. I get compliments and make a little money too (i do nails).
But for the most part i realize i have a ways to go.
|
|
|
|
Post by coping on Sept 20, 2010 19:02:09 GMT -8
You are NOT alone.
|
|
