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Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 27, 2010 13:13:44 GMT -8
Today's feelings . . . I was a black woman in my last life.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 27, 2010 13:45:25 GMT -8
Faith (third step): Made a decision to turn your life and your will over to the care of God.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 27, 2010 14:29:35 GMT -8
Lesson from childhood . . . you are not the only one suffering Susie.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 28, 2010 12:49:56 GMT -8
I feel so alone right now. . .
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 28, 2010 13:23:43 GMT -8
From a friend . . .
Dear Susan--
I haven't been around here for a while, and just logged in today. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I can't imagine the pain, and I am crying right here alongside you. To be dealt this double-blow--I pray you have people around you to support you and love you during this time. I pray that there will be answers about your daughter's death. I pray that the truth about Monty will come out in its entirety and that the girls will be in a safe place. I know that you will have a relationship with them again. May you rest in the arms of God, like Kathy is, just like you have led so many people to Him.
Sincerely,
Michelle (Setfree)
Thank you so much for your prayers and kind words. In AA they say nothing happens by accident. Kathy was worn out and now she is at peace. Her daughter, God bless her, has spoken out rather than suffer in silence. More shall be revealed and reconciled.
Susan
I love fairies, so I have decided to live with them for awhile. I will send pictures of my little friends.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 28, 2010 16:50:45 GMT -8
I tried to see Hailey and Isabelle today and was told (1) I am a drug addict (because I take medication), and (2) I say inappropriate things in front of the girls. (I am guilty of not noticing that the kids are in the room). I think my son-in-law just doesn't like me. We both have control issues and fought over Kathy a lot.
Anyway . . . I went home and had a small nervous breakdown. I called my pastor rather than swallow a bottle of pills. Every time I bring up this subject people say "we need you." Well right now I need to be outta here.
But don't worry. I never follow through.
Would someone come nurse me back to health--or at least take me to Starbucks.
It is always darkest before the dawn. My faith does not waiver. God will see me through this.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 28, 2010 17:02:16 GMT -8
Step 1 in a 12-Step program: Admitted that we are powerless . . .
Then we surrender to the Holy Spirit who has the power to heal us in his time and in her way.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 28, 2010 18:09:32 GMT -8
I called my pastor and we prayed over the phone. I was suddenly relieved of my pain.
PRAYER REALLY WORKS . . . always remember that.
In the beginning . . . J.C. held me close. He has not gone anywhere.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 29, 2010 13:44:49 GMT -8
I have always been grateful that I was an alcoholic because there are thousands of AA meetings all over the world. I can get out of the house any time and have somewhere to go. Yes, after 27 years, I get bored sometimes, but that is few and far between.
Thank you God for the things that take the edge off.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 29, 2010 19:36:48 GMT -8
Every housewife has a recipe with one secret ingredient. At least on television.
I have a secret ingredient in my recipe for life. I learned this while attending AA meetings. The ingredient is "acceptance."
From the book Alcoholics Anonymous. . .
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."
I cannot see my girls. I accept this today. What do I get out of this. Peace of mind.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 1, 2010 12:19:50 GMT -8
Helen Lemmel’s simple song has it right:
O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There's light for a look at the Savior
And life more abundant and free!
Thro' death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
Over us sin no more hath dominion-
For more than conq'rors we are!
His word shall not fail you-He promised;
Believe him, and all will be well;
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!
Chorus: Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of his glory and grace.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 1, 2010 12:28:57 GMT -8
If "acceptance" were a pool, I would be mesmerized. It is all that I think about right now.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 1, 2010 17:11:35 GMT -8
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 3, 2010 15:42:20 GMT -8
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (people places and things, not to mention the past), and the courage to change the things I can.
Here is the dilemma: Do I work myself up and fight to see my granddaughters or "turn it over" as they say in AA. I am currently floating down the river of acceptance and really don't want to rock the boat.
I tried and tried to bond with Isabelle and Hailey but it never got beyond a hug and a kiss. When the children were young they came over all the time. Then something broke and I could not fix it. It may have been because I was estranged from Kathy while I was with Sandra. After Sandra died we reconciled.
It may just be my personality. I have a temper (see my article situational narcissist.) I might have frightened them. There was the day at the nutcracker. See articles below.
www.alumbo.com/article/41370-Situational-Narcissist.html
www.helium.com/items/1284872-best-of-2008-concert
So fight or flight?
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 4, 2010 15:57:26 GMT -8
The pictures Monty sent me made me sad. 28 years in A.A. Drinking is not an option.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 4, 2010 16:03:13 GMT -8
Universal Woman
Dedicated to Kathy
_____
Daughter of woman,
Mother of woman,
You are the link
Between past and future.
Woman alone,
Woman among many,
Seek out the truth
Of your own identity.
Child of God,
Sister of mankind,
Let not your mourning body
Deter you from your quest.
Nameless soul,
Wandering in a timeless maze,
Be not afraid
Of your new beginnings.
Universal woman,
Smiled upon by all,
Your wounds will be healed
And you will stride proudly forth. |
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 4, 2010 16:07:32 GMT -8
This is the time to be reflective . . .
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 4, 2010 16:15:51 GMT -8
Friends for life . . .
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 4, 2010 16:23:09 GMT -8
Friends
Through the mist,
Into the sun;
Step by step,
I cannot run.
I reached out
To touch someone.
Hands came back;
Here comes the sun.
Sparkling eyes,
Hearts of gold,
Words to strengthen,
Hands to hold.
The gift of love,
It comes to me;
My heart is full
And I am free.
1983 |
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 7, 2010 12:17:33 GMT -8
I am ready to find my way down the garden path looking for the next right thing to do.To you, my audience: Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone is to listen to them pour their heart out. Thank you!This is my dream house . . .
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Post by candee on Aug 16, 2010 11:19:35 GMT -8
From a friend . . .
I have never read anything as touching, honest as this. I have never seen such beautiful love being expressed. I cannot put into words what reading this has taught me. Sending you love and light.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Aug 29, 2010 15:29:59 GMT -8
A cloud has descended. [center  [/img][/center]
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