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Post by runrunrun on Sept 26, 2010 19:09:00 GMT -8
There is a lot of talk in my 12 step meetings about sobriety. Its a SLAA step meeting. I dont even know where to begin to define my own sobriety. In a way this is harder than for people in AA. Their sobriety is defined for them...no drinking. For us we have to define it ourselves.
I spent most of my life deciding whats best for others. Now I have to decide whats best for me and I dont know what that is.
So how do you define your sobriety? Are relationships ok in recovery? Is dating ok? Sex? Acting out obviously is not. When do you start dating again? Its all so confusing.
runrunrun
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Post by lacypooh on Sept 26, 2010 21:10:40 GMT -8
I was wondering the same things myself, I am trying to answer that question for myself, when will it be ok to date? To commit, to have sex? I told myself when I can do them without any acting out as you said, but i won't know if I'll act out if i don't try, so for me, I think my personal sobriety will be not feeling as though i "need a relationship" to feel complete.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Sept 27, 2010 10:49:44 GMT -8
The LAA definition of recovery . . .
In LAA, recovery is a state in which you are able to love yourself as much as you love others. You are guided by a power greater than yourself who knows what is best for you. You are growing and changing. Love is a want not a need. Romantic love enhances your life but does not determine your self-worth. Most of the time you are serene and think clearly when it comes to relationships. Your behavior is sane and marked by emotional sobriety. You do not "love" too much. You do not "do" too much for others You do not chase after unavailable people. You do not put up with ambivalent people like narcissists or seductive withholders. You have researched healthy relationships so you know what your goals are. You stay close to people who are also in recovery in order to avoid relapse. You never take recovery for granted or become complacent. Love addiction is "cunning, baffling, and powerful." It lies in wait for us when we let our guard down. Above all else, you put your well being ahead of your romantic attachments. You understand that romantic love is not enough to sustain you. It is like a flower without roots. You need love and compatibility with someone who can reciprocate. Finally, you put an end to all triangles. Monogamy and recovery are synonymous. Read more: laarecovery.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=lovenes&action=display&thread=5227#ixzz10l0i6p5W
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Post by Susan Peabody on Sept 27, 2010 10:58:10 GMT -8
You are ready to date when you take the 40-question quiz and do not answer yes to all the questions. When you have sex depends on whether you bond after sex or not. Wait if you bond after sex. You are ready when romantic love is a "want" not a "need."
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Post by mybestme on Sept 27, 2010 11:07:13 GMT -8
Thanks for posting that definition. It will be important to remember in the coming weeks. It's great to read right now.
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Post by runrunrun on Sept 28, 2010 3:30:40 GMT -8
Yes thanks for posting all those. I really need to define and set my bottom line.
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Post by lonely1 on Sept 28, 2010 8:04:31 GMT -8
"my" definiton of sobriety :
When you are aware and are in control.
You are aware that your where you do not want to be
You exert the self control to go to where you want to be
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Post by mybestme on Sept 28, 2010 8:39:08 GMT -8
Awesome lonely1
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Post by Susan Peabody on Sept 28, 2010 17:45:06 GMT -8
[control . . . ]
We are in a 12-Step program. We turn our control (ego) over to God who guides us to the life we were meant to have. It feels like we are in control but behind the scenes he is pulling the strings.
Surrender (third step) and you will see. It has worked for me. I am over here waiting to share my success with you.
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Post by LovelyJune on Sept 28, 2010 18:02:08 GMT -8
My sobriety is based on the notion of not "acting out." If I am not acting out I am not doing anything to jepordize my own health, peace of mind, self-esteem, value or worth. I am not groveling or chasing after someone. I am allowing others to be who they are meant to be. And I, in turn, am keeping true to myself and being myself. I am not doing anything that would break the promises that I've made (to never go back to bottom line behavior, to stay true to myself even in the presence of others and to place my own life and the lives of my children FIRST, before anyone else). If I am doing these things, I am "sober."
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Post by lonely1 on Oct 4, 2010 9:03:24 GMT -8
> It feels like we are in control but behind the scenes he is pulling the strings.
I have a slightly differnt spin: I feel He is helping us learn which sting to pull, which to not, how to see if we're pulling hard enough . . .giving us the strength to continue pulling even though we don't see the other end....and as appropriate, the wisdom to know when to stop pulling a string....
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Post by runrunrun on Oct 9, 2010 3:52:46 GMT -8
I think my sobriety is to always keep my healing my first priority. Never let that part of me suffer or get behind. Never let anyone take over that priority. I am grateful for healing and the steps and will do every effort to make them first priority. That being said I think that enco
mpasses not acting out and not letting people take advantage of me. I still need to work on that part.
I took my kids to Florida last week and they took full advantage of me to the point where I hated the trip and wished I wasnt there. So I am a work in progress. I am getting to where I dont let friends take advantage of me. Now I need to get to the point where I dont let family or coworkers do it either.
Thanks for all the wise words.
runrunrun
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