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Post by runrunrun on Oct 9, 2010 4:17:40 GMT -8
Just an update.
I am finding myself less angry with my poa and feeling less hatred for him. On good days I dont think of him at all. I am almost to the point of where I could not care less about him. LIke he is a non entity in my life. Which is how I want it. I got tired of living with anger and hatred everyday. Plus I hated him invading my thoughts. Life is so much than thinking of him everyday. I prayed for the anger to go away and it did. I prayed for thoughts of him to go away and they are. Its progress.
I am on steps 8 and 9. My step 8 list is pretty short. So far I have one friend on it, 3 kids and myself. Not sure where else to go with it. Not sure how to make amends to myself. I am sure I hurt an ex bf by not leaving him when I knew it was over (not being true to him). But I am on no contact with him and wont contact him to make amends. So I will make some sort of living amends.
Any idea on how to make amends to myself?
runrunrun
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Post by lonely1 on Oct 11, 2010 8:37:54 GMT -8
Hey there . . .
go back and read the first paragraph in your post,,,,then stop reading & dwell on it for a second or two....
How do you feel ? . . . less stressed, higer level of serenity, comfort in the heart, mind, soul ?
. . .that is the amend to self . . .
You have felt the bad emotions, you have suffered with them . . .
Your amend to self : tossed the emotions away
You're moving well into your new and better future . . .
not-lonely1 anymore
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Post by lessthanicanbe on Oct 16, 2010 6:26:36 GMT -8
runrunrun---
I follow your posts, and have for awhile. I have drawn a lot of strength from you, and your support of others. From me to you...thank you. I am not as far along as you are in terms of letting go of the all the anger.....but, I am working on it with honesty.
Amends.....well, I think that by working these steps....it is making a mends of sorts, but to ourselves. I think that I have forgotten about me along the way(well, I don't think, I know) and I have been more mindful of making sure everyone around me felt better about themselves. That, was my way of taking the focus off of me, and my way of making myself feel better for all the wrongs I committed against myself.
What if coming here, and admitting your addiction is your amends? What if not contacting your POA again is another way to make your amends...but your amends to you. What if the relationship you have established with your HP is your amends?
Whatever you deside is right for you IS the best answer. It takes time to know what is right, and I am so happy are finding peace in your life!
lonely1--I love the reference to you NOT being "lonely1 anymore!" I loved it! It made me smile! Good for you.
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Post by runrunrun on Oct 17, 2010 3:55:46 GMT -8
Thank you for your replies. The steps work. I am on 8 and 9 and things are really so much better. I think I will just take my time on 8 and 9 and see what happens.
runrunrun
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Post by lessthanicanbe on Oct 17, 2010 6:09:03 GMT -8
runrunrun--
Good for you. I think giving ourselves time is the most important gift of all. I have a lot more work today, and I realize that now more than ever! Thanks to my HP, I am reminded that my triggers are what is keeping me strong, and on track.
Peace.
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