Post by lovemefirst on Nov 12, 2010 23:44:06 GMT -8
Hi Everyone
I am new to the recovery board and am seeking a sponsor if anyone is interested. There is no LAA meetings in my city.
I am in no contact mode which I broke for the first time with a text message that I included him on yesterday as part of a group message. I am so cross with myself. Typical codep - hate the thought of people being angry with me. I had NC established for 15 days prior with someone who would appear to be an ambivalent LA with all of the signs of a seductive withholder. Anyway, where he is at is not important. I need to focus on me.
I would really appreciate some guidance. My source of NC has been responsible for renovation work happening within my home. He was supposed to be here Wednesday week ago and has not contacted me to say that he wouldn't turn up or arrange another time. I see that my options are to either wait to see if he contacts me with a set reasonable time limit (I have a character defect of impatience and am not the best judge of this); find someone else to finish off the work; or three to set a time limit then either email or SMS under full sponsor supervision and guidance to see if he would like to finish off the work.
I am really at a loss what to do. I know that my head is not the best source of answers, and in this case nor is my heart. I am conscious that this is my addiction not his. I am concerned by the potential anger (passive aggressive style) if I do have someone else finish the work off....As you can see - I am not a well poppet when it comes to this man.
Any feedback would be appreciated. Any potential sponsors, I would love to hear from you. I am a rudderless ship out in the middle of an ocean without a sponsor. Look where my best thinking got me so far...
Lovemefirst
PS. Do you know, it came to me as I read through the definitions of different love addicts to copy and paste then email him his "diagnosis" according to me. My temporary fantasy was that he would be "grateful", would act on this feedback immediately, fix himself from my "help" (control and manipulation) and we could be happy together....Sigh....see, I need a sponsor
I am new to the recovery board and am seeking a sponsor if anyone is interested. There is no LAA meetings in my city.
I am in no contact mode which I broke for the first time with a text message that I included him on yesterday as part of a group message. I am so cross with myself. Typical codep - hate the thought of people being angry with me. I had NC established for 15 days prior with someone who would appear to be an ambivalent LA with all of the signs of a seductive withholder. Anyway, where he is at is not important. I need to focus on me.
I would really appreciate some guidance. My source of NC has been responsible for renovation work happening within my home. He was supposed to be here Wednesday week ago and has not contacted me to say that he wouldn't turn up or arrange another time. I see that my options are to either wait to see if he contacts me with a set reasonable time limit (I have a character defect of impatience and am not the best judge of this); find someone else to finish off the work; or three to set a time limit then either email or SMS under full sponsor supervision and guidance to see if he would like to finish off the work.
I am really at a loss what to do. I know that my head is not the best source of answers, and in this case nor is my heart. I am conscious that this is my addiction not his. I am concerned by the potential anger (passive aggressive style) if I do have someone else finish the work off....As you can see - I am not a well poppet when it comes to this man.
Any feedback would be appreciated. Any potential sponsors, I would love to hear from you. I am a rudderless ship out in the middle of an ocean without a sponsor. Look where my best thinking got me so far...
Lovemefirst
PS. Do you know, it came to me as I read through the definitions of different love addicts to copy and paste then email him his "diagnosis" according to me. My temporary fantasy was that he would be "grateful", would act on this feedback immediately, fix himself from my "help" (control and manipulation) and we could be happy together....Sigh....see, I need a sponsor
