Post by Mauve on May 2, 2011 7:15:45 GMT -8
I'm barely a week into finally admitting that I have ALA/SES anorexia. This morning, I had a panic attack. Bearing in mind that I am trying to emotionally and psychologically "break up" with my POA, I could "feel" myself transfer to a new POA. I got so afraid, terrified. The weight of my past was so heavy at that point.
In my relationship with God, I have come to understand that every time I've had a crush on a boy/guy, I have been choosing men as a safe context to lay all of my Needs, instead of choosing God. And this "choice" not being a choice at all but a compulsion that dates back to when I was a child makes my case an addiction, in my opinion. I want to choose God as my Savior, not men. I want a man in my life, but I want to love him and Love God; not the other way around. What if because of my pride I waited to long to get help and let things get so bad that I cannot be healed!?! What if I'm too broken? What if...
But when I look at my past in the light of how God has Loved me to where I am now, I KNOW I will be okay, broken, scared, redeemed heart and all. I have faith that God will take me from a heart that is so hidden in man that God has to chip away at my walls to redeem it every day, to a heart so hidden in Him that a man needs to seek Him first to find it.
Just needed to share!
In my relationship with God, I have come to understand that every time I've had a crush on a boy/guy, I have been choosing men as a safe context to lay all of my Needs, instead of choosing God. And this "choice" not being a choice at all but a compulsion that dates back to when I was a child makes my case an addiction, in my opinion. I want to choose God as my Savior, not men. I want a man in my life, but I want to love him and Love God; not the other way around. What if because of my pride I waited to long to get help and let things get so bad that I cannot be healed!?! What if I'm too broken? What if...
But when I look at my past in the light of how God has Loved me to where I am now, I KNOW I will be okay, broken, scared, redeemed heart and all. I have faith that God will take me from a heart that is so hidden in man that God has to chip away at my walls to redeem it every day, to a heart so hidden in Him that a man needs to seek Him first to find it.
Just needed to share!