Post by Healing Ku'uipo on Jun 6, 2011 4:10:11 GMT -8
My friend sent me this. He and his new girlfriend did this dating plan....
What do you think? Good? Too strict? What would you add or leave out?
DATING PRINCIPLES
Since we didn’t know how to do this (personal relations)correctly when we entered the program and we haven’t done anything different since coming into the program, we want to learn how to date and have a spiritually fit and healthy relationship. We do these because we WANT to do them not because we have to. We OWN these thoughts and ideas as our own. It is how we WANT to behave. It takes six to nine months to really see the “red flags” and we need to develop a healthy friendship prior to an intimate relationship. Otherwise we will develop “blinders”.
First Six Weeks:
•Meet for lunch (alone) once a week. Go in your own car and leave in your own car.
•You can talk to each other on the phone twice a week for 15 minutes each phone call.
•Don’t talk to anyone about him/her except your sponsor.
•No hand holding, hugging, kissing, or sexual contact at all.
•Do not talk about yourself to him/her regarding personal issues (5th step issues, problems you are working on, etc.)
•Ask him/her questions about him/herself and LISTEN. Keep it to current events (music, movies, etc.)
•If s(he) is in the program and you find yourself at the same meeting, you can go up and say hello and then go sit with the wo(men).
•If you are invited out for coffee or to a party and s(he) is there and you didn’t know s(he) was invited, you can still go out but don’t sit with him/her and focus your attention on him/her.
Second Six Weeks:
•Can go out in the evening once a week. Go in your own car and leave in your own car. Do not go to his/her house and do not invite him/her to yours.
•You can talk to each other on the phone only twice a week for 30 minutes per each phone call.
•Don’t talk to anyone about him/her except your sponsor.
•No hand holding, hugging, kissing, or sexual contact at all.
•Let him/her talk about him/herself and ask questions about his/her principles. Get to know him/her on a personal level and let him/her know you are truly interested in listening to him/her.
•If s(he) says something against your principles or values let him/her know you disagree and that this is MY value. Don’t argue just state your case and still do not talk personally about yourself so far as 5th step issues or personal problems you are working on with your sponsor.
•If s(he) is in the program and you find yourself at the same meeting, you can go up and say hello and then go sit with the wo(men).
•If you are invited out for coffee or to a party and s(he) is there and , you can still go out but don’t sit with him/her and focus your attention on him/her.
Third Six Weeks:
•Can go out twice a week. One lunch and one evening date only (and not on the same day). S(he) can come and pick you up. S(he) can pick you up at the door, but cannot come into your home. You are to be ready on time when s(he) comes to pick you up.
•You can talk to each other on the phone twice a week for only one hour each
•(can talk briefly, but only to clarify time. Etc.)
•No hand holding, hugging, kissing, or sexual contact at all.
•Let him/her know how much you enjoy his/her company and how much you have enjoyed listening to him/her and getting to know him/her.
•If s(he) is in the program and you find yourself at the same meeting, you can go up and say hello and then go sit with the wo(men).
•If you are invited out for coffee or to a party and s(he) is there , say hello and sit with the wo(men).
Fourth Six Weeks:
•Can see him/her twice a week. Can be during the day or evenings. (not the same day). You can invite him/her over to your house for dinner.
•Can talk on the phone three times a week, one call for 30 minutes and 1 hour on the other two.
•Can hold hands, hug and a “quick kiss” but nothing else!!.
•Talk about your values, interests, goals, etc. Let him/her get to know you on a more personal level and be really honest about who you are and what you want. Don’t argue, just stand strongly for your principles, values, and what you believe (can share in a “general way” about yourself but still no 5th step issues, past issues, etc.)
•If s(he) is in the program and you find yourself at the same meeting, you can go up and say hello and then go sit with the wo(men).
•Can have other activities with him/her in groups, conventions, family. Check with sponsor on these.
Fifth Six Weeks and After:
By this time, you will know if you want a lasting relationship with this wo(man) and s(he) will know if s(he) wants one with you. You will both know the principles, morals, and values of the other and will have a strong foundation to build on. If you are NOT obsessing about him/her to the extent that it affects your personal life, work, or program, you can see him/her whenever you want and talk to him/her whenever you want.
If s(he) is in the program and you find yourself at the same meeting, you can go up and say hello and then go sit with the wo(men). You may sit with him/her on Birthday Nights and anniversaries at the group. You may have personal contact, but still there will be no sex or talking about 5th step issues. You and your sponsor will determine further action for living with and building this relationship ONE DAY AT A TIME.
What do you think? Good? Too strict? What would you add or leave out?
DATING PRINCIPLES
Since we didn’t know how to do this (personal relations)correctly when we entered the program and we haven’t done anything different since coming into the program, we want to learn how to date and have a spiritually fit and healthy relationship. We do these because we WANT to do them not because we have to. We OWN these thoughts and ideas as our own. It is how we WANT to behave. It takes six to nine months to really see the “red flags” and we need to develop a healthy friendship prior to an intimate relationship. Otherwise we will develop “blinders”.
First Six Weeks:
•Meet for lunch (alone) once a week. Go in your own car and leave in your own car.
•You can talk to each other on the phone twice a week for 15 minutes each phone call.
•Don’t talk to anyone about him/her except your sponsor.
•No hand holding, hugging, kissing, or sexual contact at all.
•Do not talk about yourself to him/her regarding personal issues (5th step issues, problems you are working on, etc.)
•Ask him/her questions about him/herself and LISTEN. Keep it to current events (music, movies, etc.)
•If s(he) is in the program and you find yourself at the same meeting, you can go up and say hello and then go sit with the wo(men).
•If you are invited out for coffee or to a party and s(he) is there and you didn’t know s(he) was invited, you can still go out but don’t sit with him/her and focus your attention on him/her.
Second Six Weeks:
•Can go out in the evening once a week. Go in your own car and leave in your own car. Do not go to his/her house and do not invite him/her to yours.
•You can talk to each other on the phone only twice a week for 30 minutes per each phone call.
•Don’t talk to anyone about him/her except your sponsor.
•No hand holding, hugging, kissing, or sexual contact at all.
•Let him/her talk about him/herself and ask questions about his/her principles. Get to know him/her on a personal level and let him/her know you are truly interested in listening to him/her.
•If s(he) says something against your principles or values let him/her know you disagree and that this is MY value. Don’t argue just state your case and still do not talk personally about yourself so far as 5th step issues or personal problems you are working on with your sponsor.
•If s(he) is in the program and you find yourself at the same meeting, you can go up and say hello and then go sit with the wo(men).
•If you are invited out for coffee or to a party and s(he) is there and , you can still go out but don’t sit with him/her and focus your attention on him/her.
Third Six Weeks:
•Can go out twice a week. One lunch and one evening date only (and not on the same day). S(he) can come and pick you up. S(he) can pick you up at the door, but cannot come into your home. You are to be ready on time when s(he) comes to pick you up.
•You can talk to each other on the phone twice a week for only one hour each
•(can talk briefly, but only to clarify time. Etc.)
•No hand holding, hugging, kissing, or sexual contact at all.
•Let him/her know how much you enjoy his/her company and how much you have enjoyed listening to him/her and getting to know him/her.
•If s(he) is in the program and you find yourself at the same meeting, you can go up and say hello and then go sit with the wo(men).
•If you are invited out for coffee or to a party and s(he) is there , say hello and sit with the wo(men).
Fourth Six Weeks:
•Can see him/her twice a week. Can be during the day or evenings. (not the same day). You can invite him/her over to your house for dinner.
•Can talk on the phone three times a week, one call for 30 minutes and 1 hour on the other two.
•Can hold hands, hug and a “quick kiss” but nothing else!!.
•Talk about your values, interests, goals, etc. Let him/her get to know you on a more personal level and be really honest about who you are and what you want. Don’t argue, just stand strongly for your principles, values, and what you believe (can share in a “general way” about yourself but still no 5th step issues, past issues, etc.)
•If s(he) is in the program and you find yourself at the same meeting, you can go up and say hello and then go sit with the wo(men).
•Can have other activities with him/her in groups, conventions, family. Check with sponsor on these.
Fifth Six Weeks and After:
By this time, you will know if you want a lasting relationship with this wo(man) and s(he) will know if s(he) wants one with you. You will both know the principles, morals, and values of the other and will have a strong foundation to build on. If you are NOT obsessing about him/her to the extent that it affects your personal life, work, or program, you can see him/her whenever you want and talk to him/her whenever you want.
If s(he) is in the program and you find yourself at the same meeting, you can go up and say hello and then go sit with the wo(men). You may sit with him/her on Birthday Nights and anniversaries at the group. You may have personal contact, but still there will be no sex or talking about 5th step issues. You and your sponsor will determine further action for living with and building this relationship ONE DAY AT A TIME.
