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Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 29, 2009 15:20:53 GMT -8
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Post by LovelyJune on Apr 29, 2009 15:43:12 GMT -8
You know that old joke when you don't want to hear what someone else is saying and you go, "I can't hear you, LA LA LA" Well, THAT IS THOUGHT STOPPING!
Here are a few others too:
Distraction works.
Working with your hands works.
Meditating works.
Exercise works.
Music works (practicing an instrument or SINGING --try to avoid love songs)
Training yourself to repeatedly shut out bad thoughts or obsessive thoughts works.
Replacing obsessive thought with healthier one works (each time "he" pops into your head, replace it with the thought of God. If you don't believe in God, replace the PoA with thoughts of WHY you don't believe in God).
Going some where or doing something where the PoA was never present works.
Praying works.
Getting involved in your own recovery works.
Thought stopping is an ACTIVE, REPETITIVE PLAN TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR. It doesn't just "happen." You have to practice it. You have to go against your nature and force yourself to relearn the way you think.
T
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Post by judy on Apr 30, 2009 6:10:15 GMT -8
Often times when I start obsessing I just say to myself "STOP".
It brings me back to myself. Then I look down at my feet and get in touch with where I am and what my focus should be in the moment.
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Post by iselita on Apr 30, 2009 6:52:28 GMT -8
Let's see
I tell myself to stop all the time. I will drift into fantasy anger land and say "STOP". Even shake my head at times. I also try to focus on anything i can look at. I pick up the phone at times but usually talk to my kids. In my car i tend to have to turn my music up.
I cook a lot, get on the internet i basically any distraction.
I try to write a lot of positive thoughts and express myself in a positive way.
I try to slowly work my way to accomplishing more with my daughter.
Isel
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Post by frost on Apr 30, 2009 7:31:27 GMT -8
For me this is the essense of Step 3 - surrendering thoughts.
When I try to fight the addiction - I only give the adcition strength. When I surrender the addiction to my higher power - that energy drains away from me and the it takes the wind out of the sails of my urges, it deflates my obsessive thinking, it brings calm where before there was frenetic thinking.
So when I catch myself obsesively thinking about my POA I pray I say "God, I surrender this to you. I don't want to think these thoughts, I don't want to think about her. Please take these thoughts from me"
I do the same thing with anger and resentment. The Big Book says in several places that resentment is a hazard to an addict (paraphrasing from page 64 and 117 and other places). SO I surrender those thoughts of resentment too. And for me, key to dealing with resentment is trying to forgive. I pray "God I surrender this anger - I surrender this resentment, I forgive this person, I don't want to be angry - please take this from me"
Also - I engage in another kind of thought stopping when I am am critisizing myself or feeling shame. I think this is what it means to reparent oneself - I conbat the negative self talk with positve affirmations and also try to recognize Cognitive Thinking Errors and actively argue against them. If I start to engage in Black and White thinking and begine to think that because I was late paying my water bill its because I am messed up and totally dysfunctional - I talk to myself and say -"No, you are not 'totally' messed up. You have some problems, you forgot to pay your water bill again. Yes that has happened before and it will probably happen again. It doesn't mean you are a failure - it doesn't mean that you haven't made progress in recovery, you are prone to procrastination, a jumbled mind and forgetfulness. The truth is - you have made progress in many areas of your life including taking care of yourself and living responsibly, and you have made progress in recovery."
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br1949
Junior Member
Newcomer Greeter
Posts: 94
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Post by br1949 on May 1, 2009 4:27:02 GMT -8
Everyone who contributed to this thread: Thanks for all the interesting ideas about stopping obsessive, unwanted thoughts.
My sponsor once told me to get a 3 x 5 card and write on the front of it "you are forbidden to think about ******, and on the back of the card write the names of some people to pray for, and to begin praying for those people. This seemd to work for me, but as Telmita writes in her post, "Thought stopping is an ACTIVE, REPETITIVE PLAN TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR. It doesn't just "happen." " Very well said.
I also have tried exercise, music (I agree with Telmita about love songs -- for me, they just make things worse), meditation, and also agree with Frost when he writes about turning the thought over to my HP.
Also, I have a two page list of what I did NOT like about her behaviors, such as the lying, the deceptiveness with other boyfriends, etc., that I will sometimes keep handy and reread when obsessive thoughts start becoming a problem.
Realizing that my attraction to my POA was only my desire to quench my "imago thirst", as Susan Peabody has told me, is also important to remember when obsessive thoughts intrude on an otherwise peaceful day.
Calling folks in the program also helps. This only works for me by calling people in the program of SLAA. I find that for myself, friends who are not in SLAA or in another recovery program often do not understand the addiction and are not able to empathize with what is happening, as much as they might want to help.
Above all, making a daily commitment to becoming and staying involved in my own recovery on a day-to-day basis also helps me. I have to start the day with this focus, making sure that my day is structured. I think that daily structure and a full day of things to do can be of help in keeping me from ruminating.
Thank you everyone for your insights!
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Post by Havefaith on May 1, 2009 4:56:05 GMT -8
This has been very helpful for me -- thanks, everyone.
Frost - I understand what you are saying about not 'fighting' the addiction. The more thought I put into the addiction itself, the more I obsess. Hard to explain, but true for me. I need to surrender. And that doesn't mean filling my day with empty activities to keep my mind occupied; it means TRUE surrender. I need to acknowledge how I feel, not repress or pretend the feelings are not there. Only then can I release them to God.
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Post by Havefaith on May 1, 2009 4:58:54 GMT -8
I also have found that SLAA people are so, so understanding. They KNOW what it is I'm suffering; the struggles, the pain. They LISTEN.
We need to support and encourage one another - lift each other up in empathy and love.
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Post by presence on May 2, 2009 14:26:06 GMT -8
Have Faith Said - I understand what you are saying about not 'fighting' the addiction. The more thought I put into the addiction itself, the more I obsess. Hard to explain, but true for me. I need to surrender. And that doesn't mean filling my day with empty activities to keep my mind occupied; it means TRUE surrender. I need to acknowledge how I feel, not repress or pretend the feelings are not there. Only then can I release them to God.
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Ditto for me...And thank you for the suggestions on this thread. I was so busy for the last month I hadn't had time to think about the POA TOO MUCH...but now that I'm not so busy...he's not back in my head full time but he's back....Telling myself to stop...the fighting it...it just gains more strength each time it comes back. Pastor gave a sermon on this too...cleaning house only to have stuff come boomeranging back on you....need a replacement behavior.And a major part of that replacement behavior is surrendering it to God.
My working along side God...to do my half of the work, I'll use some of the suggestions listed here. I don't want to backslide any further than I already have...though it doesn't seem like I've moved backward too much so far. I still need to be careful. Soooo--thanks so much to everyone
Presence
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Post by sobrietythirst on May 2, 2009 17:08:32 GMT -8
I'm always battling with my thoughts. I'm trying to learn how to not judge them. I don't entertain them and I try not to dwell or harp on any unhealthy thoughts but I am starting to acknowledge how I react, how I feel, the sensations, pains. I'm learning in psychology about repression. While my actions can be judged, I should not admonish the feeling. It is natural. It is biological. But feelings cannot be helped. It's what you choose to do with those feelings.
sobrietythirst
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Post by kathie on May 2, 2009 18:13:04 GMT -8
I really found the links that Susan posted some time ago really helpful. I was desperate to break the cycle I was in. I would go from pain to intense panic and then I would reach out to my POA. It was a cycle I felt I could not break. Going to the different sites and reading what they suggested calmed me. I went so far as to say "stop" out loud at work really loud (I meant to say it in my head) and scared my coworker early one morning. Just reading what could be done calmed me down. I've gone there a number of times if I feel I am starting to get in that cycle. laarecovery.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=lovenes&action=display&thread=1295 |
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Post by Rilly on May 2, 2009 19:05:49 GMT -8
When I first came to this site, last August, I was falling apart, and was having a difficult time doing my job during the day. The obsessive thoughts were dominating my mind. At first I practiced the technique of forcing myself to stop the thoughts for a few seconds, and then a few minutes, and then longer. I got better over time. On one of my worst days I sat down and watched episodes of an old TV series all day long. The distraction helped. I soon became aware that my obsessive thoughts were like demons that I needed to face head on. It was important to start dismantling the fantasy, separating fiction from reality. I adopted a mantra: "It isn't real.....it isn't real.......it isn't real...." An increased awareness was vital to my survival. My willpower was NOT enough. On some days the obsessive thoughts attacked me like planes dropping bombs in an air raid. It was more than I alone could overcome. And I remembered to quote: "Sheer willpower is totally ineffective, because the more we want to get rid of something, the more we draw it to us. What we resist will persist." ezinearticles.com/?Is-Willpower-N....ion?&id=1337851So I decided to surrender, and draw on some additional power. It is not through our will but through the will of a Higher Power that we have hope of succeeding. We need to let go of the steering wheel and have faith. We must allow something greater than ourselves to intervene. This can help us when we are feeling like we are losing the battle with our obsessive thoughts. And finally, my last suggestion for thought-stopping would be to read the Wall Street Journal...lol. or any other form of media, and keep up with what is happening on our planet right now!! I think that may be a huge thought-stopper. I love you all. Rilly |
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Post by Havefaith on May 3, 2009 10:49:49 GMT -8
Well stated, Rilly.
I will say this -- when a person is in the midst (and worst) of this addiction, it is VERY difficult to be anything but self-centered. That is the tricky part of love addiction. We tend to focus heavily on OUR suffering, OUR heart ache, how WE are feeling. We forget that there is a world all around us -- people, family, friends -- that may also be suffering, or feeling things, or needing us.
When we make the decision to recover (surrendering our will and drawing on our HP, as Rilly says), we NEED to make the effort to come out of our self-centered world of hurt and obsession. Not it's not easy -- but it IS necessary. Read the paper - listen to news - focus on someone else - take a little step out into the world - take a peek. Slowly, slowly, put yourself out there. It does help recovery move forward....
HaveFaith
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Post by judy on May 3, 2009 15:07:23 GMT -8
I feel the same as you sobrietythirst. I have stopped judging the thoughts. They come, they go. I don't feed the obsession but I don't fight it.
What's critical to me is not acting out on a thought or obsession.
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Post by Havefaith on May 3, 2009 16:00:17 GMT -8
I just read, "Refuse to act on an obsession, and it will die of inaction."
Amen.
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Post by presence on May 7, 2009 14:48:32 GMT -8
Greebee thanks so much for the links....and thanks to everyone for the suggestions here. They've helped.
Presence
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Post by Light on May 9, 2009 12:36:45 GMT -8
thank you greebee and thank you all for your advises. Very, very helpful!
light
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carrie
Full Member
Newcomer Greeter
Posts: 177
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Post by carrie on May 17, 2009 7:37:19 GMT -8
I visualize my POA and all the people that make me think of him.. starting to swirl and swirl around and slide down a big drain being washed away by loads of light from my Higher power.
Sometimes I imagine his head bobbing around looking silly before he finally slides down the hole..
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jazz
New Member
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Post by jazz on May 18, 2009 17:52:09 GMT -8
You know that old joke when you don't want to hear what someone else is saying and you go, "I can't hear you, LA LA LA" Well, THAT WORKS! At first when I read this I chuckled, but I've done it a few times now and it really works! Thanks telmita. |
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hankkelley
Full Member
Spiritual Advisor
I have the strength for everything through him who empowers me.
Posts: 136
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Post by hankkelley on May 19, 2009 13:04:25 GMT -8
Frost,
Your advice on this is awesome. Our higher power can not help unless we let go - completely!
Give it to Him completely.
Thank you....
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Post by Susan Peabody on May 19, 2009 13:18:22 GMT -8
Once upon a time a little boy asked God to fix his toy. God agreed. An hour later nothing had happened. The little boy complained, "When are you going to fix my toy?" God patiently said, "As soon as you let go."
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Post by cheri on May 19, 2009 17:44:30 GMT -8
I used to have a lot of thought, talks... a few years before. the most useful way to stop thoughts is meditation(half hour every day), I am much more quiet now, friends haven't meet me for years, when they meet me again surprised how quiet I become now  If one want to stop obsess a man, I have a method too. visualize my ex meet a wonderful girl, a petty smart girl, and send blessing to them wish they happy together ever after... You will surprise how quiet your heart become.... |
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Post by asianaries on May 19, 2009 18:16:25 GMT -8
....."Visualize my ex meet a wonderful girl, a petty smart girl, and send blessing to them wish they happy together ever after...
You will surprise how quiet your heart become.... "
I actually have done this.
....it IS surprising how I finally have forgiveness & peace in my heart now.
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Post by asianaries on May 19, 2009 19:17:15 GMT -8
Once upon a time a little boy asked God to fix his toy. God agreed. An hour later nothing had happened. The little boy complained, "When are you going to fix my toy?" God patiently said, "As soon as you let go.".....Haha  that was funny, I have asked God many times, "How come you haven't fixed me?" The answer is.... because I never have let old wounds go. I was carrying this around me & not giving it to him to take care of it for me. It's like I was protecting it from somebody, the more I tried to be in control...the more I was actually out of control
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Post by LovelyJune on May 29, 2009 11:32:26 GMT -8
I just thought of another method I use to "thought stop." I replace negative, obsessive thoughts with the following statement: "Think of something constructive, Tracy. Think of something that will make a difference some day.." and with that, I start inventing ideas in my head that are actually little investments! Try it out sometime!
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Post by onwithlife on May 31, 2009 18:12:35 GMT -8
Great posts.
For me, I discovered it was helpful sometimes to go ahead and let the thoughts have some of my time. I gave a single thought or person a time limit and then put it or them in "time out". After practicing this repeatedly, I spent less and less time with the stinking thinking. As someone else noted, I have reversed my thought process in that the time I used to spend trying to figure something or someone out, I spend that time in prayer and meditation for that very person.
I also now understand service...service to others. When we are volunteering for a worthy cause, the stinking thinking thoughts are less frequent and we feel so much better with ourselves in our service to others. When we are doing for others, the focus is on someone and something else.
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Post by roz2008 on Jun 4, 2009 18:20:29 GMT -8
I've read most of these posts and the are all helpful. I've been picturing helping sick children in South Africa. Strange, but it's been working.
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Post by noname on Jun 7, 2009 12:02:08 GMT -8
At first I tried to block out any thoughts whatsoever of my POA. No method worked for this. Instead of trying to block out everything, I now let thoughts flow through. I acknowledge them, consider them for as long as it is healthy for me to do so and then send them on their way, literally passing from one side of my head and out through the other.
But then there are the thoughts that get stuck in the middle. These are the obsessive irrational ones that want to be the center and focus of all of my attention. These are the ones that no matter how long I ponder will yield me no different results from the last time I obsessed on them. Like others have stated here I shout out loud if I am by myself or shout in my own head if anyone else is around "STOP!!!" I actually see an octagonal traffic stop sign every time I do this. For whatever reason, it shakes me out of the obsessive thinking.
As is usual with her advice, Telmita has it right once again when she says that thought stopping doesn't just happen and that it has to be practiced. As a musician, I know this to be true - most anyone can pick up a musical instrument and make it function to some small degree but it is only through practice that it will ever be mastered.
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Post by u63961 on Jun 24, 2009 16:19:20 GMT -8
I just read, "Refuse to act on an obsession, and it will die of inaction." Amen. I agree with this totally. I believe in God (have to believe in him cuz everything else sucks , esp people who will disappoint us, because they are human, too) But for years as far back as I can remember, my thought life has been dominated by fears, I put too much expectation on my wife, and of course she could never live up to it, so I got that much more crushed, when she didn't. I have made her my God, and ran from doing what God tells me to do. Obsessions (thoughts) and compulsions (acting on those thoughts in some way) only reinforce the cycle and makes it a habit to where you listen to every negative thought (which I believe are from the dtoxic, because bad things don't come from God) The dtoxic wants us all to think bad thoughts about ourselves, he is a master of deception, he doesn't even have to make something horrible happen, if he can tempt us enough to where we are in the habit of listening to his lies (bad thoughts) which give birth to bad feelings, and then bad behaviors (like checking up on our POA, controlling, jealousy, anger, rages, etc, etc. ) it just erodes our mental health, (especially if that person is wanting to break up or is physically and/ or emotionally (whatever it is we are wanting from them) unavailable/ abusive or whatever. The point being, the dtoxic gets us to belive the lies, then we get further away from good things, and things from God. Worry and anxiety, and not having faith in God, is like calling God a liar, and a sin to God. Also all these negative feelings most of us are going through make us offended at our POA or someone they are cheating with or left us for, or God himself, and we then have shame, guilt, etc, which gets us into unforgiveness. And Jesus said if you don't forgive others, your heavenly Father will not forgive you. So it becomes hard to be blessed by God (and in turn feel good about ourselves).. The good news is (and my main point and contribution to how to stop obsessive thoughts) is if it took us/ me/ you having (and reacting to negative thoughts, feelings, behaviors, addicted relationship , etc. If you have been reacting, and giving in to, and obsessing about someone, and all those horrible things, which in the end just perpetuate our sick behaviors and obsessing about negative things. This takes time to get this way. You have made a bad habit (the thinking) that has given birth to other bad habits (anger outbursts, attempts at controlling other people, etc) You have trained your mind that way. Like programming a computer. Your mind can only spit out what you have put into it. (The principles that are written about in the Bible if you look at it, and used in all counseling and therapies; i/s cognitive-behavioral therapy and all the others) are just a copy (a lessor, watered down one usually, like a faxed page). You have to speak to your bad thoughts and reprogram your mind. It is hard work. You have to do it (when your mind is as negative and polluted as mine) every day, several times a day, sometimes a hundred times a day. I speak Bible verses outloud to tell the dtoxic/ or his demons of fear, jealousy, anger, envy, suicide, homicide, etc. to leave my head (and yes they will come back for a while, but you have to keep doing it, after a while, you get less negative thoughts, and then instead of getting an automatic , fear, or that empty, hollow/ pain in your stomach because of something you are thinking about, (i.e bad feelings) , the feelings start to lessen and go away to. Because you have to retrain your thoughts first, If you think something long enough, think you feel it and those bad things fill up and you begin to say the negative things and curse your situation and yourself, and (then the dtoxic can sit back and let you keep destroying yourself) . It sucks that it is not any easier, but that's life, I guess. |
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wandalynn62
Junior Member
The moment before dawn is always the darkest
Posts: 68
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Post by wandalynn62 on Jun 25, 2009 4:52:01 GMT -8
"Getting lost inside your head is like being in a bad neighborhood late at night you need to get the h*ll out of there" I read this once and it always stuck with me cause for me my head can be a really dangerous neighborhood........so to learn ways to get out of there by "thought stopping" would be a good thing. |
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that was funny, I have asked God many times, "How come you haven't fixed me?" The answer is.... because I never have let old wounds go. I was carrying this around me & not giving it to him to take care of it for me. It's like I was protecting it from somebody, the more I tried to be in control...the more I was actually out of control
